How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
