Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
