I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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