I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
