Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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