your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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