just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
