Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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