You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
