1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
