Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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