after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
