MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
