how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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