well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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