Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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