Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am one with the molecules
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
