erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
