I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
