Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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