So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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