I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
