Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize