who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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