Acid is not a monday night drug
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
