I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
