There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
