my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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