Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
