Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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