thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
