i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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