You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
