I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
