You made me cry and you don't even care
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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