It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
