It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
