smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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