Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
whose parrot is this?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
