What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
