all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
