i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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