I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
