I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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