Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
