i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
