We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
