1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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