What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
