dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
