She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
