I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
