Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
