i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
