For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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