he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
