i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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