That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You pole danced in your parka.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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