Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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