What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't turn off my feet"
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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