living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
PANTIES FOUND
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
