So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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