You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
