Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
