it was like his penis was on wheels.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
