He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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