Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
