and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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