I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
