Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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