If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
