she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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